What kind of Relationship Do You Really Want??

In response to a previous blog, "Can we be more than friends? Why the Phuck Not?", we've recieved some serious feedback on what seems to be a very hot topic. Instead hashing it out behind the scenes in the comment section, we've put it front and center... Whats your take on this point of view?

I was the girl that heard "I do not want to be in a relationship right now" and ignored it. However, I ignored it because of the huge amounts of time we spent getting to know each other and the intimate conversations we were having (nothing physical or sexual guys.) It was as if we were building a relationship and when it got serious enough for me to bring up the talk again -- Where is this going? he would bring back the "but I told you I didn't want a relationship."

Here's what I learned from it. When a man says he does not want to be in a relationship, women don't fool yourselves just keep it moving. There are so many other men out there who are willing to make a commitment to you, just keep it moving. If his situation changes and you want to give him the time of day again go ahead but I have learned that where some women go back on their word, men don't and what they say is usually what they mean. Don't stick around because you think eventually he will realize what a good catch you are and change his mind. Bad idea-- Because in the end you will only be hurting you.

As for men, understand women a little more. Women are emotional beings and if you say you do not want to be in a relationship yet you do more than friends know: start calling her honey, sweetheart, boo etc or talk to her into the wee hours of the morning...The signals you are sending to her reads that you want more. The more time you spend with her, the more she likes you thus the more she believes the situation might change.

What amazes me is that a man can tell when a woman is interested in him (more than a friendship) and you know you don't want anything else yet still embraces all that she does. Just because you said at the beginning that you were not ready for a relationship does not mean that you never have to have that talk again. I think men also have a duty to not accept gifts, don't go out on those dinner dates she sets up, don't go out to the movies etc..etc....And I am only talking about a situation where it is obvious that a woman clearly wants more and the man does not. If that is the case, yes I am saying don't hang out with her as much. Eventually then she will move on. I didn't want to mention this but don't state your point up front yet lead her on after. And leading her on is accepting everything she gives and always having these one on one dates

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ladyj said...

And let the church say Amen

Analyst said...

Put a hold on that just after the collection and before the pastor begin to preach... If a woman/man (yes, us too) knowingly offers these "gift" (and I do believe they are) and agree to the one on one dates with her/his hidden agenda, after she/him have been forewarned (checking spelling), whos is to be blame?

We asked for honesty and when we get it, its a problem. I know I do like to be in the comfort of a beautiful woman's presence... If you know that you(not you per-say)can't hang out with this guy without wanting to get to the next level, then this might not be something you want to do. I think there is still such a thing as platonic relationship btw a man and a woman.

This is why us a people need to take time to figure out what we are looking for in lyfe: relationship and all and take time to obtain it. Don't just jump at the first guy/girl that steps to us... Lets work at being friends first.. The other way is the best formula for crazy BM/BD and Stalkers...

I am Nikkie and these are my thoughts...

Viv said...


Anonymous said...

Analyst, my dear....There are no hidden agendas in this type of a situation because everyone's view is pretty clear. The guy's view is -- not interested in a relationship right now and the woman's view is -- interested so she does all that she thinks she should do to win him over. Both views are pretty clear so it is not really about who's to blame but more about what's right. Nothing hidden because he already knows where she is going with everything she does. And the only reason she carves out a plan of action is because he has not been clear. We need clear cut answers. :)

Honestly though, the reality is that we must all love game because the truth is when a guy says he does not want a relationship right now I think we should know that he really wants to say one of these things:

1. You are not the one, I just don't have enough backbone to tell you but I hope you can read minds.
2. I like you but I want to keep my options open....-- therefore you are not the one.
3. I'd like to be with you and enjoy the perks of a relationship but let's not call it commitment - after all I still want to do the same with a bunch of other females. You are not the one.
4. I know you are not the one for me but it feels good to know you are so into me so I'm gonna hold on to you for a while. You are not the one just the ego booster.
5. Can i just work some stuff out with the other girls from the past first....He knows what he wants and It is not you boo.
6. I'm not ready for a commitment. I am enjoying my life, I still have some play time left......IOW - He will be old and gray and still not choose.
7. I am just not that into you.
8. I'm confused............but I know it is not
9. I have some issues in my life that I need to work out before I can get myself involved in a relationship. The issues are how do I let down women easily.
9. I don't want to drag you into a not so good situation. IOW - I can get into you minus the feelings but you can't do the same so you'll be hurt so stay away from me. Warning - Constant Interaction can cause severe pain.
10. Stop talking now.

Why can't we just be real....say what you want to say. You won't be hurting us guys, you'd actually be helping us. It is easier to move on to the next guy knowing the truth........(well
Plus you might as well say you are not interested because like someone else said in a previous post, when your so called situation clears up you move on to some girl out of the blue anyway.

Analyst said...

Wow... I am really glad you put that out there... I really needed to hear this and get a better understanding into how some women think. There is something I need to address and ur blog just helped me to come up with the solution... Thanks... I have nothing more to say at this point.